Reflective responses are a simple yet powerful way to build connection and understanding with your child. When you reflect feelings, it’s like holding up a mirror to help them see and understand their emotions more clearly. This process helps them make sense of what they’re feeling and also teaches them how to manage their emotions in a healthy way.
Reflecting feelings means recognizing the emotions behind your child’s words and gently reflecting them back to them. For instance, if your child is struggling with homework and says, “I can’t do this! It’s too hard!” you might respond with, “It sounds like you’re feeling really frustrated and overwhelmed right now.” Instead of jumping in to solve the problem, you’re acknowledging how they feel.
When you reflect your child’s feelings, they feel understood and supported instead of dismissed or judged. It shows them that it’s okay to feel and express emotions. Over time, this helps them develop emotional awareness and build emotional regulation, as they learn to identify and talk about their feelings.
At first, reflecting feelings might feel a bit awkward, but like most things, it becomes easier with practice. Start by paying attention to your child’s words, body language, and tone of voice. Sometimes their emotions may be more obvious in how they say something than in what they say.
Once you’ve tuned in, reflect what you think your child is feeling. You don’t have to repeat what they said word for word. Instead, summarize their emotions in your own words. It’s okay if you’re not perfect—what matters is that you’re trying to understand and connect. For example, if your child seems quiet and withdrawn after school, you might say, “You seem a little down today. I wonder if something happened at school.” Even if your guess isn’t quite right, it opens the door to conversation and gives them a chance to share more.
Reflecting feelings isn’t just about what you say. Your tone, energy, and body language are important too. Try to meet your child where they are emotionally, and use your body language to show empathy.
Child: After losing a board game, throws pieces on the floor.
Parent: "You’re really frustrated. You tried so hard, and it didn’t go the way you wanted."
Child: "I don’t want to go home yet!"
Parent: "You wish we could stay longer. It's hard to leave when you're having so much fun."
Child: "You’re so mean! I hate you!"
Parent: "You’re really mad at me right now."
Reflecting your child’s feelings helps them feel safe, accepted, and understood. When their emotions are met with empathy, they become more comfortable sharing with you. This builds trust and encourages open communication in the future.
Using reflective responses in your daily interactions can have a lasting impact on your child’s emotional development. It gives them the opportunity to explore their feelings more deeply and express themselves more effectively. By reflecting their feelings, you’re showing your child that their emotions matter, which strengthens your relationship while helping them build confidence in handling their emotions. It’s a small change in how you respond, but it makes a big difference in how your child feels.
Reflecting Feelings: The First Building Block to Better Parenting
Reflecting Feelings with Your Child at Home: From Theory to Practice
What To Do When Reflecting Feelings “Doesn’t Work” (Advanced Reflecting Feelings Tips)
Play Therapy Podcast: Overview Of Reflective Responding
